I’ve been in a funk lately.
And not the kind of funk that you can easily shake off with a glass of wine, a hard workout or some extra sleep.
The deep kind of funk that sits deep in your gut and churns like a piece of undigested meat.
I’ve been sitting with the sensations and letting arise what will and I noticed something:
My soul and ego are not in alignment.
I’ve fallen out of integrity with myself.
When Ego Reigns
I’ve been so focused on letting my Ego chase the quick and easy parts of life that my soul is screaming.
My soul that wants:
- To write.
- To share
- To connect.
And yet I’ve let my Ego Do:
- For likes
- For attention
- For admiration
The dopamine is so addictive.
That I’m not able to stay focused on the Work. The hard work that take days to put accomplish.
The work that feel like labor – a long journey that you know ends with a glorious sense of accomplishment an immense amount of joy.
The real deep, soul work of creating.
My bucket is running empty.
Because I’ve not been in integrity with what my soul wants and needs.
I let fear get the best of me. I let my Ego run unchecked.
Susan Kare who designed Mac’s original interface once said:
“You can’t really decide to paint a masterpiece. You just have to think hard, work hard, and try to make a painting that you care about. Then, if you’re lucky, your work will find an audience for whom it’s meaningful.”
People-pleasing, like-chasing and otherwise doing work for the attention is a great way to never find happiness or fulfillment. The real beautiful masterpieces of life come when you turn inward and create for you – for your Soul.
Two Types of People
Kare’s quote helped me realize that there are two main types of people in the world:
The – “I will make this work if it’s the LAST THING I DO” – Aka formally me… who am I kidding, still me.
And the – “Hmm… this isn’t working. Let’s stop slamming my head into a brick wall and take a step back. – Me, only recently though.
The first type allows Ego to direct their life so much that they neglect the rest of their life.
The second type realizes that Ego is great up to the point that it’s not, and then tries something different. It yields space so the soul can create.
Time to Realign Soul and Ego
Over the past 6 months, I’ve watched my business grow at the expense of:
- My health
- My family
- My relationships
I’ve been telling myself that “just make it work another month” or
“Once you get XYZ thing done, you can take a break”
Y’all I’m the WORST boss I’ve ever had!
I’ve been leading myself directly into the Land of Burnout.
Here I was thinking that I’d avoid burnout because I’d be leading myself only to discover that perhaps the reason I got so burned out in my career…
WAS BECAUSE OF ME.
Burnout does a great job of spending my money and this time I wanted to find a way to keep it. So I took a step back and was given this beautiful picture by my Soul.
I saw one beautiful tree (my business) in a wasteland of a forest (my neglected life).
A friend said it best when she said: “If work doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t work.”
And I disagreed with her at first.. not going to lie.
But I see it now.
That baron forest will take the tree at some point and then I’ll be left with nothing.
Because without the health of one aspect of your life, you cannot have the health of any others.
Your life is its own Ecosystem and each part affects the others. It’s why it’s so important to have integration between Soul and Ego.
I decided to reign in the Ego and allow my Soul an opportunity to create new priorities.
So these are the 3 things I’m doing to address the forest of my life:
- Bedtime at 10:30 pm
- 10,000 steps per day
- 25g of fiber per day
If you want to track health metrics like me but are curious about other options, don’t miss this post.
Have you stepped back and checked your forest lately?
Is work working for you?
Let me know in the comments if you can relate!